Does the written word hurt even more?

I came across a blog titled “Thoughts of a Neo-Academic” by Richard Landers, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA.  One of his recent posts describes how people can have bad experiences on online social networks.  He refers to research conducted by Tokunaga in Cyberpsyhcology, Behavior, and Social Networking. 

Tokunaga discovers ten types of negative experiences social networking users have online.  They are:

1. The person initiates a friend request which is denied or ignored by the person he sends it to.
2. The person tags a photo or leaves a message on a friend’s profile and later discovers it has been deleted.
3. The person visits a friend’s profile and discovers he is not ranked where he thinks he should be ranked on a “Top Friends” list.
4. The person learns that someone else has been “stalking” their profile.
5. The person waits longer than he expected for a response to a post.
6. The person discovers negative (e.g. flaming) comments on his profile, left by other people.
7. The person discovers someone else has written something about him that he did not know about – interestingly, the information does not need to be negative to be unwanted.
8. The person discovers that even though a friend request has been accepted, he has limited access to the new friend’s profile.
9. The person was removed as a friend.
10. The person discovers a group he wants to join but is not permitted to; alternately, the person discovers a group has been made about him without his permission.

Any of these can be damaging to someone’s self-esteem.  For some, they may be able to shake it off with little cognitive energy while others may develop intense anxiety.  This new form of cyber-bullying has taken form in many ways.  It can be as aggressive as intentionally typing negative comments or something much more subtle which is what Tokunaga found.  Social networks are wonderful for connecting long lost friends but inherently the Internet has some faults.  Tone, cadence, and intent are lost in cyberspace.  For example, number five on the list above explains that an author on a social media website is offended that someone took too long to reply to a post.  We take this untimely response as a personal attack that the responder does not care about us.  But there may be an alternative reasoning… maybe this person was out of town or had work deadlines to meet which prevented him/her from responding.  The online world removes the information we receive from body language.  The non-verbal communication is critical in developing and strengthening relationships because it helps to uncover the intent of comments. 

Cyber-bullying effects the adolescent population the most.  This happens because adolescents have become aware of how the appear to others and are concerned about that appearance.  Adolescents are considering the roles they will have in their adult world.  They do so by participating in a variety of activities (e.g. sports, extracurricular activities, etc.).  Erik Erickson, a psychologist offers that there are eight stages of psychosocial development and identity is the fifth stage occurring at the adolescent years.  Adolescents are striving to create their own unique identities by overcoming challenges.  Cyber-bullying on social media networks is creating a new set of challenges.  Not only do adolescents have to face challenges in their physical day-to-day lives in high-school, they now experience heartache online. 

Social media has both positive and negative consequences.  Cyber-bullying is occurring and it needs to be addressed in schools and in family discussions.  Furthermore, it is critical that adolescents are being provided the opportunities to develop strong identities in the “real world” which will allow them to disregard potentially negative comments online.

Most people have discounted the old saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  We now know that words do hurt.  Does the written word hurt even more?   

Tokunaga, R. (2011). Friend me or you’ll strain us: Understanding negative events that occur over social networking sites. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking.